Greetings to all!

I do hope there are still some looking every once in a while to see if I have put anything on. I know over the last week to ten days I have talked to a lot of people, more than I thought, who were reading the blog before I haven't put any thing on for almost two months. I am sorry about that, but I have been in a super busy mood and a few things have fell by the way side and this was one of them. Again since I have indeed received so many comments I will try to do better about getting something on on a more regular basis.

Where to begin tonight, or should I say this morning, since it is now 12:30 am, is a hard thing to say. So very much has been going on, and I really don't know where to begin to tell you all about it but I guess I will say that I feel like I am doing pretty good in my grief and transition process. At church this morning I was telling people that if I was any better there would be three of me and then would they have problems. And I have indeed been feeling very tired but emotionally and spiritually quiet good.

Eric and Erin where here for the week-end and I went back to Defiance with them long enough to go to a graduation party and then to the cemetery and then home. The party was awesome and it was so good to talk to the graduate and family as well as to see many old friends. It sure is one way to see and talk to a lot of people in a short time. I praise the Lord for this afternoon.

Then I went to the cementer and sat by Marty's grave for about 45 minutes or an hour. It was a good time of reflection and meditation. But first I would report that they have gotten the dirt all leveled and the grass seed sown. I was very grateful for that, since Marty was so clean and neat about things, I know the sight of the grave previously would not have made her very happy. So at least now she would be happy with that has been done and would be waiting for the grass to grow, just as I am. Tonight I went over a lot of things with Marty and God, and I didn't get to many answers. I think my mind was too preoccupied with my questions and statements and not wanting to forget any of them, that I did not leave myself open to LISTEN. but perhaps that can still happen tonight before and/or when I go to bed. At any rate, I do not believe that tonight's visit to the grave left me any worse, and no doubt better particularly with the washing that my eyes got. Indeed I hope it will make them clear to be able to see and do God's will.

It is still somewhat of a problem for me, and with me, as to the way our society treats and deals with death and grief. For people like me in particular and all people in general I BELIEVE THAT GRIEF IS VERY COLD, UNFRIENDLY, AND LONELY. Particularly when it is a spouse and you have no other family in the same town and/or within say a half hour driving time. And the reason I say this is that the grieving person must talk about the one who has died, and believe most people do not what to listen and/or talk about that subject. As I read in one of the books that I read for the Lenten presentation of "Dying, Death, and Grief" there are certain things with grief that all people must do and one of those things is to learn to talk about it and find people that will listen. This is somewhat of a new aspect of grief and most people are not very good in doing either thing. You see we are so afraid of "hurting" someone that we do not help them to heal, we just let it all ride, to be worked out by the individual. And the individual is so tired of having people walk away from them before they are done that they do not even like to begin the conservation. And this has not just been my experience but I have heard the same thing for all of those that I have talked to that are going through grief right now and that is 10 -12 people that I know and have talked to.

So what is the difference, the problem? In the book it was pointed out that much less than even 100 years ago, when a person was sick and dying they stayed at home and the extended family took care of them. This included from the youngest to the oldest. When the death occurred it was with the entire extended family, from youngest to oldest, gathered around. And who was involved in the grief process the entire family from the youngest to the oldest. So you see they all experienced the entire thing because it all took place as home, even the visitation and the memorial service, and even the smallest of children were not shield from it for fear it might hurt and/or frighten them. Therefore these people were willing and able to talk and communicate about the entire situation. But today we shield our children for all of it and do not communicate with them and now today as a society we cannot communicate about dying, death, and grief because we don't know what to say. That I strongly believe is why grief is so "cold" and so hard for so many to deal with.

As for me, well most of you know me, and what have I done here is to just speak what I believe God is telling me to. And I feel very strongly that God is telling me to be about the necessary communication about the situation that is needed for healing, even if no one really wants to listen, and if it makes them feel uncomfortable. And if they make me cry that is good, because Jesus showed us by example that that is part of the healing. So no one should fear a grieving person that lets go of a few tears because that is a good thing.

One of the things that I have really learned is that there are a lot more people out there that are still grieving 5, 10, 15 years down the road from the death that I ever knew about. You see they have had to hide their grief, because no one in our society, besides a paid counselor, really wanted to listen, to hear, and to learn about what they were really going through. Further, I would have to say that this experience with Marty has been much, much harder than any of the other deaths that I have had to deal with in my life. And I would say that a part of that has been caused by the fact that I have not had anyone to really talk with about it, like I did with Marty when we had other deaths occur.

Also tonight I almost through the cell phone away and at least learned that I need to turn it off or take it off when in serious dealing with the situation. For as I sat at Marty's grave tonight and meditated and talked to Marty and to God and remembered the cell phone rang, and of course I answered it and even though I told the person where I was and what I was doing they proceeded with their question and their problem. That then messed it all up for me, as I was not able to get back to where I was because of what had happened.

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! I do have to say that despite society I believe that I am doing well in the grief process. Again as you read this you may not agree, but as I have said we must talk about what is going on and where we are in order to heal, and that I am able to do with any one who will listen. And what is + and - about the blog is that I can "talk" (write) but I really don't know if anyone has listen (read) unless I do get some feed back. And I would indeed by interested in getting that from any and all that are willing to share.

Well, I was going to be "short" and here it is an hour later. So I better spell check this writing and read it over so I can get to bed. Buddy is already trying to get me to go to bed and he is going to have a fit it I don't pretty soon. In fact he just told me again to go to bed by barking at me and when I did not respond he just turned and went into the bed room himself. God is good- all the time! All the time - God is good. Praise the Lord, all ways! I do have a lot more I could share about what I have been doing and I hope to get back on soon and do just that. Until then:

Take care, have a positive day, and God bless.

Jack
Romans 8:28

PS Particularly as late as it is I add a disclaimer, or maybe I should say a claim that I did write it, spelled checked it, read it over, therefore take no responsibility for any errors found in this writing. So may it be! Amen!